"Well, it takes an hour to get to the spa, and there's a two-hour graduation ceremony, at the end of which they'll all throw their fat-pants in the air?Let's say seven o'clock?"

-- -- Niles, discussing Daphne's graduation from the fat farm

"You know, in high school I would have paid a thousand dollars to watch you eat a popsicle. But that was a long time ago."
-- -- Frasier, reminiscing with Lana

"You're embarrassed? They think the best I can do is an old guy with a cane."
-- -- Niles, masquerading as Martin's boyfriend

"I learned if you kiss her too fast, you can get an ice cream headache."
-- -- Niles, reminiscing about kissing Lilith

"Mr. Clavin got himself one of those Eastern European mail-order brides, but they lived together for a couple of days, then decided to call it off. She said she was homesick. That Bosnia must be a beautiful place."

-- -- Woody Harrelson, giving Frasier an update on his old Cheers pal Cliff

"Oh, that's so strange, I dreamt I was tangoing with Maris."
-- -- Niles, after he fell asleep with his cheek next to an ice tray

"So, that's it, huh? No Americans left?"

-- -- Frasier, addressing Roz on her date with a Frenchman

"I saw a twinkle in her eye I have not seen since the neighbor children discovered our new electric fence."
-- -- Niles, hoping to reunite with his wife Maris

"One night of passion can sustain her for a month. She stores it up like some sex camel."
-- -- Niles bemoaning Maris' low libido

"Lincoln had a brighter future when he picked up his tickets at the box office."
-- -- Frasier on his career prospects during his first radio show

"From now on I'll be relegated to the B-list charities: grubby little theatre companies and last year's diseases."
-- -- Niles after he wasn't invited to a benefit

"Don't stare at me, Eddie. I'm a humane man, but right now I could kick a kitten through an electric fan."
-- -- Frasier addressing his father's dog after having a bad day.

"Big? You were gi-normous! You looked like a snake that had swallowed a watermelon or a cow or something."

-- -- Martin, complementing Daphne on how great she looks coming back from the fat farm

"Nothing says I'm sorry like an in-dash CD player and a driver's-side airbag."
-- -- Niles on bribing his wife with a new Mercedes

"What brings you to Seattle, the constant rain?"
-- -- Frasier greeting Lilith on their first reunion